growing up sucks

I have to admit that it has been a while since I was nostalgic and thought life would be so much easier as a ten-year old. The last couple days have been just so emotionally draining and have really forced me to grow both emotionally and spiritually.

Obviously, the first scenario involves the prospect of staying in Kirksville for another year to work as a Medical Education fellow. First and foremost, I should say that I declined the fellowship. While I still think it would have been a great opportunity, I just don't think it fits me right now. When faced with the decision to choose between money and my friends, I chose my friends. Having the support of my parents when making this decision was also very comforting. Although I had already made my choice on Friday, they called on Saturday and left me a voicemail that pretty much echoed a lot of my thoughts. I can't say that the limited amount of time I had to make the decision was of any help, either. The timeline seemed so rushed and communications regarding the program were vague and abrupt. While I am happy with my decision, I still find it worrisome that I the people that interviewed me are still very much in charge of my education. I know that they are professionals and should still be objective, but I imagine it is hard to make that disconnect when you go out on a limb to support someone and they return your efforts with a rejection. Anyway, how this story unfolds still remains to be seen.

In other related events, there has been a great deal going on with one of my other projects. Unlike my undergraduate and high school lives, I have been very involved in roles of leadership and decision-making. I know that the purpose of medical school is to provide the educational tools to create knowledgeable and practical physicians, but these past few days have been wrought with obstacles that are not often included in the curriculum. Things like responsibility and keeping professional lives separate from personal. Recent events have also brought to light exactly how one person's actions can directly affect the lives of others. In my specific scenario, it was the irresponsibility of one person that caused a serious debate, perhaps a near argument. At this point in my life, it is still hard for me to make the choice between professional and personal lives. Obviously, you want to be everyone's friend, but it is so hard when you are not sure if people take advantage of that. Rules are broken and you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so you turn the other way or allow standards to be bent "this one time." I just infuriates me that I would allow someone to put me in the position that I would have to choose between keeping a friend and following the rules. Just because you choose to associate with someone, should you compromise your standards to accomodate them? Surely not, but easier said than done.