tear it apart and start again

So, I've been avoiding a big dilemma for about four months now. Having carried the title of EMT for over seven years and paramedic for just short of four, I am faced with the decision of whether or not to renew my license. It's easy to say that being two years away from being a doctor, I should just let the license go and get on with my life. But having devoted so much time and energy into that part of my life, it is difficult imagining my life without it. In Kirksville, most of my friends know me, in part, as "the paramedic." I also feel as though I may somehow disappoint the people I worked with if I don't continue to put in the effort required to keep up my license; as if I would be doing them some sort of disservice by discarding the one thing that brought us together. So, it turns out that what may seem like an obvious choice involves very complex and personal factors.

In the interim, I had to make another difficult decision. Much like the standing issue regarding my licensure, I have been thinking about my connection to the National Collegiate EMS Foundation. During my first years in undergrad, I became very interested in NCEMSF and immediately got both myself and IEMS involved. To this day, IEMS remains one of the most active agencies in the North-Central region. In some way, I feel like I was a large part of this and have remained involved with NCEMSF as their North-Central regional coordinator. Last year, the position was a great way for me to stay in touch with Campus EMS programs and that aspect of my life. In addition, last year was slightly different in that I had enough time to devote to the position. This year, I found myself just trying to keep up with my duties and often flaking on some meetings. So, in trying to keep focused on my ultimate goal, I decided to resign my position. The exact date is uncertain, but I will still be performing some small tasks here and there while a new coordinator is found.

Having made the decision to temporarily break away from collegiate EMS, I am now faced with the dilemma regarding my paramedic license. As ironic as it may be, as I write slowly type about these issues, Grey's Anatomy prattles away in the background. Although the show is somewhat vacuous and unbelievable at times, it comes up with some pretty interesting closers once and a while.

"who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? it's not a day on a calendar - not a birthday, not a new year. it's an event - big or smalll, something that changes us. ideally, something that gives us hope. a new way of living and looking at the world. letting go of old habits, old memories - what's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. but its also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to." -Grey's Anatomy

I swear I started writing this before Grey's came on.