afternoons and coffespoons

I haven't written anything in a while, but I suppose it's because things have been relatively unmonumentous of late. So, with that, I bring you the small victories that have occurred.

I recently rediscovered ThePhatPhree.com. Unfortunately, it was in the middle of our Women's Health iLecture today. So, on a brief aside, I would have to say that iLectures have got to be the biggest, lamest excuse I have ever seen for not one, but two professors not to lecture in front of students. The "iLecture" is basically a Quicktime movie that was projected onto the screen in our classroom with audio that can only be described as OB/GYN and Pathology meets Saturday Night Live's "The Delicious Dish." Seriously. If I could post a link to the file, I would. So, that was about 90 minutes of grueling audio narrating some fairly foul pictures of female genetalia. Don't get me wrong, as a student doctor I have nothing against female genetalia, but I'm only allotted so much "cottage cheese exudate" and "skin tags" in one day and that lecture definitely put me over my limit. So, as the last minutes wound down, I found this article to which my only response could be "Sweet Mother of Mary! Its the Holy Grail!"

So needless to say, after a couple [dominating] rounds of ping pong it was decided that King's Buffet was in order. As always, small children were starving in Nambia while I crammed fork-full of greasy goodness after fork-full greasy goodness. After sufficiently gorging myself, we were delighted to unwrap the prognostic goodness that is the fortune cookie. Much to my surprise, this is what I found inside mine:

oh really. thanks.

So, that was pretty much the highlight of the day... or past couple of days. In the meantime, the board studying continues.

the day off

If there is one thing I have discovered while attending medical school, it is that three-day weekends are the best time to get away from books and work on falling behind on studying. As predicted, the "study more" new year's resolution has been broken. However, it was good to have finally have the time to get away from textbooks, medical school, and most of all, Kirksville.

I managed to get out yesterday for a little exploring. I was playing around with Google Earth recently and noticed that there was access to a part of Thousand Hills State Park from the south part of town. Since it was sunny and in the mid-60s, I figured it would be a great day to go and check out the area. Of course, on Google Earth and maps, it appeared as though there was an access road that led straight to the water. Much to my surprise, the road ended at a trailhead nearly eight miles from the lake. So, I managed to hike about five miles in before I turned around to avoid being stranded in the dark. It was nice to get out and take some time to just walk without any true purpose or distractions.

Sunset in the Big Creek Conservation Area

We capped off the long weekend with a trip to the Red Rooster in La Plata tonight. We heard some good rumblings about this place and decided it would be the perfect opportunity to check it out. The food and service was astounding, but I think the most amazing aspect of the dinner really had nothing to do with the food at all. It was, in fact, the ridiculous hand dryers in the bathroom. That's right, hand dryers. I was actually disappointed because I didn't bring along my camera to take pictures or video of these amazing, gale-force generators. From the manufacturer's site:

"Hand dryer motor shall be a series commutated through-flow discharge vacuum motor/blower (5/8 HP / 20,000 RPM) which provides air velocity of 16,000 LFM (linear feet per minute) at the air outlet and 14,000 LFM at the hands (4 inches [102 mm] below air outlet)."

Now, much of my math skills have left me since starting medical school, but I do believe that translates to a speed of just under 3 miles per minute. 3 miles per minute. As best I understand it, Turboprop jet engines produce air velocities between 300-400 miles per hour. These handryers were pushing air around our hands at approximately 1/3 the speed of a jet engine. Ridiculous.

tear it apart and start again

So, I've been avoiding a big dilemma for about four months now. Having carried the title of EMT for over seven years and paramedic for just short of four, I am faced with the decision of whether or not to renew my license. It's easy to say that being two years away from being a doctor, I should just let the license go and get on with my life. But having devoted so much time and energy into that part of my life, it is difficult imagining my life without it. In Kirksville, most of my friends know me, in part, as "the paramedic." I also feel as though I may somehow disappoint the people I worked with if I don't continue to put in the effort required to keep up my license; as if I would be doing them some sort of disservice by discarding the one thing that brought us together. So, it turns out that what may seem like an obvious choice involves very complex and personal factors.

In the interim, I had to make another difficult decision. Much like the standing issue regarding my licensure, I have been thinking about my connection to the National Collegiate EMS Foundation. During my first years in undergrad, I became very interested in NCEMSF and immediately got both myself and IEMS involved. To this day, IEMS remains one of the most active agencies in the North-Central region. In some way, I feel like I was a large part of this and have remained involved with NCEMSF as their North-Central regional coordinator. Last year, the position was a great way for me to stay in touch with Campus EMS programs and that aspect of my life. In addition, last year was slightly different in that I had enough time to devote to the position. This year, I found myself just trying to keep up with my duties and often flaking on some meetings. So, in trying to keep focused on my ultimate goal, I decided to resign my position. The exact date is uncertain, but I will still be performing some small tasks here and there while a new coordinator is found.

Having made the decision to temporarily break away from collegiate EMS, I am now faced with the dilemma regarding my paramedic license. As ironic as it may be, as I write slowly type about these issues, Grey's Anatomy prattles away in the background. Although the show is somewhat vacuous and unbelievable at times, it comes up with some pretty interesting closers once and a while.

"who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? it's not a day on a calendar - not a birthday, not a new year. it's an event - big or smalll, something that changes us. ideally, something that gives us hope. a new way of living and looking at the world. letting go of old habits, old memories - what's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. but its also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to." -Grey's Anatomy

I swear I started writing this before Grey's came on.

turn the city upside down

It was nearly six years ago, but I remember hearing that I would never "make it" in medical school. Slightly disheartened, but otherwise undeterred, I continued trudging through application after application. Even after an unsuccessful first attempt, I persevered and was very fortunate to find my way to Kirksville. Even then, I still believed that my greatest challenge would be succeeding in the rigorous academic schedule that was presented to me.

It wasn't until recently, that I realized that academic success would not be the only challenge presented to me. Coming from a large undergraduate university, one of the major unexpected obstacles is living in this tiny microcosm. It isn't so much the community of Kirksville as much as it is the community of KCOM. Don't get me wrong - it isn't a miserable experience. It is just something that has taken me a while to get used to. The only way I can explain it is like being roommates with 360 of my best friends. Being in class for over five hours every day, much of the interpersonal interaction I have is with the same people day in and day out. Although I enjoy the company of many people here, after the amount of constant contact we have with each other, there are always those little idiosyncracies that manage to push the wrong buttons. Being able to recognize these and not allow them to develop into huge, public issues is really taxing and becomes the major consumer of emotions and energy.

In addition to the monotony of people, there is the constant stream of classes, the routine of lectures. Although the classes are much more interesting, they are much less interactive. I can't think of any appealing job that requires almost six continuous hours on your butt listening to people talk. Although the information being taught is vital, just being able to stay seated in my swiveling, plastic chair for that period of time just compounds the monotonous atmosphere of medical school.

With all that being said, it sounds pretty hellish, huh? I guess it would be if I didn't have ways to work off the stress and the means to change the scenery once and a while. I am incredible fortunate to have great friends here that I can always rely on. I can always find someone here to relate to. When I feel like school is starting to stifle me, I find solace in the fact that others often feel the same way. People just like me and people that couldn't be more different. In some ways, it really is as the addage says: "misery loves company." Somehow, we keep each other motivated, often reiterating the fact that we will soon be free from this seemingly meaningless routine. Whereas I remember hearing that I would never make in medical school, I am reassured that as a group, we certainly will.

what you wish for...

I managed to survive the first week of the new calendar year. I guess that wouldn't normally be such a feat, and in all reality, it shouldn't have been any different than surviving it last year. This time, however, it seemed a bit more hurried, busy, and stressful. I guess it was mostly due to that darn diagnostic test. On that note, I suppose I did ok. It was weird to think that 50% would be an acceptable score, but I suppose I have another four months to absorb this monumental amount of material. I still find it a bit disconcerting that the diagnostic report said that I was on the borderline of "potential risk for failure" and "possibility for passing." I guess its just important to keep in mind that I have almost two entire quarters of medical education before I have to take this exam and many, many hours available to study for it.

In other business, I'm already looking forward to the upcoming departure from Kirksville. More than likely, the move to the Phoenix area will also involve living with roommates. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't worried that there will be a massive roommate debacle, but I'm hoping that having more time to consider options and being much more experienced and understanding will make the group living much better. So, the housing hunt has begun and I'm eagerly awaiting the prospect of starting that part of my medical education.

hide and seek

So, it was back to school today. It was a bit easier than I had thought after two weeks of the sedentary lifestyle. Six hours of classes came and went, we made more headway on drafting the Honor Code, and I managed to pretty much plan out my schedule for this month. That was until I found out that we would be having our 4-hour COMLEX I diagnostic tomorrow afternoon. That's right. Its the "find out how much studying you need to do between now and May" exam. Even though I know it doesn't count for anything, it makes the thought of taking Boards much more real.

Along with Board diagnostic exams comes Board Review weekends. These entail about eighteen hours of lectures on one subject over the course of 72 consecutive hours. This pretty much shakes out to four hours on Friday, and seven hours on Saturday and Sunday. Now that's a riveting time to be sure. So Day 1 of classes in the New Year has pretty much come out even with some setbacks and high points, including the broadcast of the new season of Scrubs and Rose making a huge pan of spinach lasagna.

"where are we? what the hell is going on?

the dust has only just begun to fall..."

So this is the New Year...

So another year, and more specifically another winter break, has come and gone. As the end of December grew closer, things started getting more hectic and it was nice to be able to get away from it all to spend time with my family. This was the first year that the entire family wasn't together as my brother was busy with orientation at the Urbana Police Department.

I can't deny that things were very different at the house this Christmas. I had a couple items I needed to do for school so I spent a lot of time in my room on the computer. I tried to pop out every now and then, but I barely finished everything I needed to do before Christmas and the arrival of my cousin and his wife from Boston and his mom from Taiwan. Things pretty much were standard family happenings after that. It was good to see all the third generation family and so interesting to see how fast they grow! I saw Megan just after she was born when I was still at Georgetown and she is already walking and developing quite the vocabulary. Nickolas and Jason are as energetic as ever and seem to be growing up faster and faster.

I did learn a fun little bit of culture while out in California. It is a worldwide phenomenon called Geocaching. We went to a park where my cousin Sam had located a cache and opened it up. I guess its kind of like a high-tech scavenger hunt. The premise is that there are these "caches" hidden at certain locations that are given by latitude and longitude only. That way, people can locate them using GPS. They are hidden in public places, usually parks or trails and you find the container and sign the log located within. Some caches are large enough that people can leave small trinkets for future geocachers. There are also little Travel Bug Dog Tags that are meant to be transferred from cache to cache and the mileage is logged on their website. Its a pretty neat concept and I was surprised to see that this phenomenon even exists in Kirksville. I actually spent today roaming around Kirksville and saw a couple areas that I hadn't seen despite living here for over a year. Its a neat program and something I intend on looking into a bit more in my last few months here.

In other news, after getting back into Kirksville, I made my standard call home to let my parents know that I had returned to my apartment unscathed. It was during that call that I had one of those "so... what does it mean when" moments. My mom asked about "a person" who had trouble moving one side of their mouth and had problems closing their eyes. Immediately, the paramedic in me flipped my brain to "stroke." The question continued with what to do about it and if it could possibly mean anything else. I started to get the uneasy sense that this hypothetical person wasn't too hypothetical at all. In fact, it wound up that my mom describing the acute onset of symptoms my father experienced shortly after I left - almost 48 entire hours prior at that point in time. I will have to admit that this was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. The mere thought that my dad was having a stroke and I wasn't there turned my stomach. I obviously suggested that he either make an appointment with his primary care doctor or go to the ER to get checked out and he reassured me that he already called his doc and was going to be seen that afternoon. From Kirksville, that was all I could do and I hesitantly said good-bye and demanded that he call me the minute he found the cause of his symptoms. So, after two hours or so, I got a return phone call from my mother and she assured me that the doctor was not convinced my father was suffering from a stroke. Now that a stroke was out of the picture, my mind immediately swung to Bell's Palsy, which was shortly confirmed by my father. Upon hearing that news, I was much relieved and astounded by how emotionally exhausting that entire ordeal was.

So, that pretty much brings me to today. It is Sunday and I'm having the typical post-vacation denial that school will be back in session in less than 48 hours. I've been lounging around for the last seven days and I have to start thinking about getting back to a life of rigorous studying. Even more so, adding on the daunting task of studying for Boards and some miscellaneous other tasks that I need to finish before March. Well, that's it for now. Oh, except for the obligatory New Year's Resolution(s). So here they are in no particular order:

1.) I need to exercise more and eat less crap.
2.) I want to try and call at least one person I've lost touch with every weekend.
3.) I guess I really ought to study more. (If there is one that will be broken, this is it.)