When going to hide...

So, "Into the Woods" once again brings such useful words of wisdom. Its been a whirlwind of a day. How trite. Well, my brain is fried so I revert to these things. I'm camped out at a Panera Bread after taking the COMLEX Level 1 today. Why am I writing here instead of studying or doing more qBank? The Kaplan site is down. Well, the test went as well as can be expected I guess. The first half definitely felt easier than the second half. I'm not sure if it was fatigue or shear difficulty of the material, but I certian felt more incompetent when it came down to the last 150 questions. Even thinking about it now is mind-blowing. I just spent five hours this morning answering 400 multiple choice questions. 400 questions stands between me today and my future as a physician. Weird. Now, I'm going to challenge myself to do the same thing tomorrow. Don't worry - it's only 350 questions for the USMLE Step 1.

Oh, those words of wisdom? "When going to hide, know how to get there... and how to get back... and eat first." If you need more details, I'll fill you in when I get back.

48 hours...

Yes, I know - its not quite as dramatic as 24 hours, but for me it is just slightly more widespread panic than drama right now. I can only equate it to standing in the line of a meteor or plane crash or stampeding herd of elephants or whatever inevitable disaster you can imagine. I have this deep-rooted sense of uncertainty despite having prepared for both board exams for the past six days. At the end of the day, I take another 100 questions and feel very comfortable with going home around 6 or 7pm only to be overcome by a sense of fear around 9pm. That pretty much initiates a panic cram session for a test that I can't conceivably cram for. So, what happens in the next forty-eight hours when there isn't time to cram? Well, I guess you let panic take over and hope to sleep well. Maybe I can let the light at the end of the tunnel bleach out some of that worry and hope that I won't have to come back to Kirksville in October to retake the exam...

guess what I learned today?

amidst the learning, I have had some interesting conversations. here are some samples:

Aaron: we meditate on the mandala of manicoti
me: yes.
me: which at this point appears to be a worthless skill.
Aaron: but i stopped after the oriole...
Aaron: NO.
Aaron: it's awesome
Aaron: go be a seal clubber
Aaron: jerk.
me: I should.

Jeremiah: from the online medical dictionary: tamponade
Jeremiah: The insertion of a tampon.
Jeremiah: (05 Mar 2000)
me: nice.
Jeremiah: so how does that hurt your heart
Jeremiah: nurse, the patient's in tamponade - pass me a tampon, stat
me: I think the tamponade is a result of a tampon.
me: if the patient is in tamponade, you need to pull the string.
Jeremiah: sickening

I felt that those were immediately post-worthy. Back to studying, I guess.

livin' on a prayer...

Things may be looking up... In nothing short of a miracle, I did well on my first qBank for the day.

hopefully that's not a fluke.

In other news, this is the saddest video I've seen in a while - which translates into some of the funniest footage I've seen in a while.

tear it apart and start again...

So it is official. Seventh quarter has come and gone and I am so close to third- and fourth-year rotations that I can taste it. I know there is a daunting challenge facing me, but I feel as though I deserve a little break before I hit the ground running. I tried studying this afternoon and I was just so exhausted that I almost believe that the five hours would have been better spent catching up on sleep. So, with only one - well, two obstacles between me and rotations, I'm going to take the night off.

I've packed a change of clothes...

So, seventh quarter is semi-officially finished. "Finished" in that the last final exam as been handed in and I'm no longer studying for classes. "Semi" in that I am waiting for the last final to be graded. Not exactly a precarious position, but not completely finished in the literal sense. With that being said, I'm pretty much in full gear to go after board exams. I'm feeling pretty good about the COMLEX on Friday, but I'm starting to get nauseous thinking about the USMLE on Saturday. At present, I am debating the merits of rescheduling the USMLE for later in July. At this point, though, it's time to move on...

it's an ugly thing

desperation, that is. finals is almost over, but you know you are in a bad state when you actually consider the feasibility of pitching a tent up in the anatomy building. seriously. I thought of everything including using the emergency showers located up in the microbiology department. hey, if you can camp in the city, surely you could camp in kirksville.

anyway, one week and counting.

the slotted spoon...

so, it is seriously crunch time. almost two years after I started medical school, this is truly the first time I have felt anxiety or uncertainty. with finals almost over, the grim reality is that the board exams are quite literally around the quarter. despite my best preparations, I can't help but succumb to this overwhelming feeling that something horrible will go wrong. I guess it might stem from that weird paranoia that I think everyone experiences - you know, the one where things have been going so well that something catastrophic is bound to happen soon. all I can do now is hope that I can focus in the next nine days and something good will come of it.

still alive

Well, I just wanted to drop a quick note to say that I'm still alive. As boards rapidly approach, the stress level is mounting. I seem to be in a perpetual state of confusion, often somewhere in between "completely overwhelmed with the need to study" and "sense of hopelessness due to the short time left." It is often so bad that I would equate it to manic-depression. So, with that, I should get back to studying. However, I will leave you with the coolest thing I have found on the internet since Flickr. That would be this little guy. A sweet paper cutout that seems to follow you everywhere.

don't take your eyes off him.

I highly recommend going to the website and downloading your own...